


Heartbeat

by comple



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 10:17:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comple/pseuds/comple
Summary: April Kepner didn't bother to stick around, or tell anyone she was pregnant. {Set after 12x11}IMPORTANT: I'm in the middle of rewriting & editing before I continue updating. Sorry for any confusion.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story, apologies in advance for spelling and grammar mistakes.  
> Also- this story has been edited & rewritten. Originally it was Alabama but I've changed it to North Carolina.

After the two blue lines appeared, April physically had to suppress the cry that threatened to spill. There was not a single moment left for happiness. Just disappointment. Disappointment within herself and her stupid, haste body- and for God's sake the man who gave up on her. On them. The conversations, the papers, the fights, the feeling she knew she would be dreading had finally arrived. But she already knew her ultimate choice, the _only_ choice, was to not tell him. It would be better this way, to sign the papers and get it over with. She was worthless to Jackson, she had no purpose to be in his life anymore other than the unborn child, at least that's how she felt. Telling the man she once proclaimed to be the love of her in front of Jesus and his holy temple now wouldn't even know their creation. It was a shame. It was embarrassing. She painfully loved Jackson more than anything despite the heart wrenching, outcome of their marriage.

April stayed in the bathroom far too long for her liking, silently standing over the bathroom sink; simply observing the two little blue lines. Samuel slipped into her mind at some point and she felt sorry for her deceased son. The mere thought of him and his short, pain-filled life caused April to become unhinged. With anger in her touch, she grasped the test and forced herself out the bathroom and over to her unmade bed. It felt like she'd lost him all over again, like the wound was fresh and deep, as if she hadn't healed yet.

April tried to pray, reciting every prayer she could remember. But she found no comfort, her heart was too mangled and her head throbbed as angry tears seeped into her crimson cheeks. Taking a seat from the pacing she'd kept up, an arm reached for her phone, searching Arizona's name. There was no way she would make it to work, her friend originally advised she take the day off anyway, which she was right for, though a different reason.

She was unable to reach Arizona, expected. Sp with a shaky voice, she left a message. 

“Hey it's me.. April. Obviously... You were right, I can't come in today.. I'm too.. stressed, I think. I can't stop thinking- thinking about it. And I'm so _sad_ \- ,"

No, she had to stop. April couldn't give any indication to what was happening. 

"So um, just tell Hunt I'm sorry for the short notice."

A long pause before, " _Bye_."

Her phone was slowly placed beside her, engulfed in the heap of the comforter. All she had done today was lie. Lie and keep secrets, and cry. Lots of crying. What had Jackson done to her? Did he turn her into this monster or did she turn herself into it? April didn't know. But she hardly recognized herself.

She eventually felt it was time she stopped feeling sorry and angry for herself, at least for today. So she slowly stood, walking to where she previously lay on the other side of the lifeless bed. April climbed into the lonely bed, losing herself all over again in the cold sheets. 

April eased awake five, maybe six hours later. Her mind temporarily was calm, relaxed- forgetting the events of just hours ago. But it wasn't a long enough feeling, that dull pang back and even stronger this time, all in her heart, chest physically aching. She felt sick, not vomit sick, but feverish, or like her organs were failing and her heart was ceasing to beat. 

The majority of the day April remained in bed, sheets wrapped around her slumped frame. The room was silent, though for the most part she remained lost in thought, too busy to care about the eerie silence. She knew eventually she would have to get up to shower and eat, although nutrition of any kind was the last of her concerns. Then she would have to get ready, try to put on something other than the sweats and blouse she'd still had on from the day prior. 

April undressed in the bathroom, not even bothering to look at herself in the pathetic mirror. She immediately closed her eyes, listening to the occasional therapeutic drips of water and the sounds of her own breath. When the water began to cool she washed herself, emerging completely underwater. She ran her fingers through her soapy wet hair and along her shoulders, all the way down to the very tips of her fingers. The water cooled faster than she liked, forcing herself to step out to dry and change. Lazily she decided on a skirt, and a light cream top. It was nothing too fancy, just a typical outfit one might wear to an appointment to divorce one's husband. Nothing special. 

Making dinner was a disaster, but forcing it down felt even worse. With every chew and swallow, April grew even more sick feeling. And when she felt she physically couldn't keep any more down, she tore a slither of paper from her wrinkled napkin. Grabbing a pen as well, she took a shallow breath, eyes gradually filling with tears.

_“I hope you’ll meet someone who will love you endlessly, Jackson. And someone that will understand you, and that you will love back.”_

She placed the note on her bedside table once back in the bedroom. She made sure to put it on what would be  _his_ side, neatly folded and everything. It was then she began to gather bits and pieces of her belongings, stuffing them all into a suitcase and spacious bags. Collecting things such as her chargers, electronics, toiletries, clothes, blankets, pillows, and items dear to her heart. 

April was running away. She'd made her mind up hours ago whilst laying in bed. The silence was taunting, even if she so successfully ignored it. 

Lastly she grabbed the pregnancy test, sealing it in a ziplock pouch, placing it in the bottom of a bag. With a bit of hesitation, she tore a piece of paper from a notepad and grabbed a new pen. This time she wasn't angry, just sad. 

”Arizona, don't look for me. Don't let Jackson look for me. I'm fine, I'll be fine. I need to get away. You've been a great friend, really. Through all this. Thanks for everything. I love you.“

She placed it on the other side of her dresser, the side where she would sleep. A note for Jackson and Arizona, two people who she loved dearly. It's the least she could do.

On the way to the appointment, April called her eldest sister and explained she was taking some time for herself after tonight. Of course leaving out the pregnancy part, all her sister knew was that she couldn't stick around. Surprisingly she didn't cry, that was one accomplishment of her day.

Silently she pulled up to the office, no music playing, nor podcast mindlessly on. April took a few shallow deep breaths before even considering exiting the car. She could already see Jackson's car parked near the front, but it was empty. It took everything in her to get out. But when she finally did, she couldn't stop herself from walking. 

April quietly approached the room after the receptionist showed her the way. Her eyes constantly remained on the table, unable to force herself to look up.

Her heart pounded fiercely as the final papers were brought out. No. She didn't want this. But Jackon did. She would do almost anything for him, even this. So she looked at him, only when she built the courage to ask if this is what he _really_ wanted. And it seemed she was correct. She was correctly unwanted. Usually April was a fighter, she never went down without trying. But she had tried. She had been trying for weeks now. There was no fight left. Jackson won this battle, her ship now burned and buried.

The rest of the appointment took an hour or so, signing where needed to be signed and emotionlessly approving comments made from their lawyers. She was also the first out of the room. It deeply broke April watching Jackson let her go like that, just sitting back and watching it happen, all too easily. As if he didn't care. He watched her get up and walk out of his life, completely.

No tears were shed in the car. Just anger. Her body burned with resentment and hurt. She collected her phone and booked a flight, giving some previous and serious thought to where she should end up. At least somewhere far from Seattle. 

April arrived at the airport still without a single tear shed. After some waiting, she was greeted by a man from over the phone who arranged for her car to be shipped. She signed release and agreement forms before paying. The earliest flight wasn't for a few more hours so April hauled her exhausted self and luggage around the airport. To take her mind off things she began looking around in shops, eventually too drained to stand any longer. She took a seat in a somewhat secluded area and sorted through her things. In a way, she regretted taking her phone. This meant her number would have to be changed, though she knew that from the start, from the moment she realized she couldn't stay here any longer.

Her first task was to write out all the numbers in her phone, all the contacts, and any other saved note or date she had saved. Midway she had to stop and go through security, glad for a distraction. And when she had time to sit again she was back to writing it all down. 

Calling Libby was her second task. 

"Hey.. it's me again, I know it's late, but um... I'm changing my number soon. I have everyone's numbers written down so I'll call you when I can. I'm okay, I trust you. Tell the others if you want, but only that my number's.. you know, changing, not that I'm... Yeah. I'll call you later Libbs. Promise.. Bye."

Suddenly a heavy sadness set in, feelings as if she could start crying again. Today had been one of the worst days of her life. She was running away from a life she'd spent so much time working on and leaving almost literally everything behind. Her family nor friends had a clue to where she was going or when, no, if she would return. Again in an attempt to distract herself, April sought out to rest her number. 

When the plane began boarding, April made her way to the terminal. Her body felt weak and a slight headache started kicking in. She wasn't sure if she would ever see Seattle again, making her feel a bit emotional as the plane took off. Her gaze followed the bright lights, watching the city shrink. A bit of her was left behind, perhaps it was her sanity, but regardless a piece of her was indeed gone. 

For the first time that day, April was grateful for something. Genuinely glad she wasn't put beside a nuisance whereas she luckily ended up beside a sweet elder couple. Admittedly it made her sad, but only at first, quickly getting over it. She'd always dreamed of growing old with Jackson, though that wasn't an option anymore. She barely could muster a smile, and it absolutely wasn't their fault, deciding to rest for the next sixish hours left remaining. 

**

Her luggage was easy to find, still carrying the other fairly stuffed bags. A car was arranged to pick April up at some point, however beforehand walking and waking up her sore limbs. She almost regretted sleeping most of the flight as it was nearing sunrise in her new home, desperate to get proper rest.   

In the car she gave the driver directions to a hotel she'd found while waiting. A light conversation carried on until eventually, April ventured into her own headspace, thinking about Arizona, Owen, Merideth... Jackson. 

Booking a room was painless, content with the comfortable southern style noticeable so far. She felt at home, somewhat like she was back on her parent's farm. In the hotel room, April changed into clothes she'd brought with her, out of the ones she'd been to hell and back in. She hung the skirt and shirt up as it was the only 'dressy' outfit she had at the moment. 

For a bit, she debated on calling Libby, but decided against it as it was nearing eight, almost nine in the morning. Instead she emptied some of her luggage, putting her things in places where they might normally go, trying to normalize this transition even if this right here was temporary. When she came across the pregnancy test her heart secretly ached. It wasn't April second-guessing her decision to leave, but wondering if keeping Jackson from their child's life truly was the best decision. Selfishly she compared the baby to herself, if Jackson didn't want her, he surely wouldn't want a piece of April, the child. Deep in her heart, she just  _knew_ that wasn't the case, nor the same. But now, in North Carolina, her new chapter, this decision would have to work. It would work, April would see to it.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aprils journey to her safe zone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first story, apologies in advance for spelling and grammar mistakes.

The next week was hell for April. The morning sickness, the time zone, the fact most of all her belongings were left back in Seattle, and the realization she was alone. She stayed in the hotel for eight days because of her car being lugged across the country. She was reminded on her phone by an alarm when it was time to pick the car up from a previous alarm she had set in the Seattle airport. The dealership itself was about was an hour out from the populated city she had been staying in. Over the week she'd gone out and bought a few shirts and jeans, there also was an equipped apartment she found in a small town called Hartselle that she could stay in. Apparently it was already furnished, which was exactly what she needed. During the eight days of isolation April also came to terms that she would never again work as a trauma surgeon anymore. It was too risky, Bailey could easily find her this way. It definitely made her upset knowing that she would never step foot into an emergency or operating room again. Though, she was smart enough to find a spot where a hospital was reachable in case of an emergency. It was actually a priority as she was pregnant and alone. 

April eventually checked out after the hotel hosted the daily breakfast that morning. She packed her now full bag and and left, returning the key to the hefty man at the front desk. Over the past few days she had also checked on her bank account. She had plenty saved up but she knew that sooner than later she would need to start working, and oddly enough there still were payments coming in from the hospital. This meant they hadn't canceled her pay check, also meaning they still were looking for her- meaning they expected her to come back. It's not what she wanted. It was clear in the note she left for Arizona. 

At the car dealership April felt sane the moment she sat in her car. It had the Seattle smell with a faint touch of the burning sanitation cleanser used in the hospital. Her bag was placed in the back, luckily she found a blanket, a pillow, shoes, and random pieces of clothes wadded up in the trunk of her car. It wasn't strange to have the items already with her, after all she was a surgeon. Some nights were crazy in the hospital mixed with long nights spent operating or sleeping in the on-call beds. It was soothing to have something from Seattle despite the negativity she gladly was leaving behind. 

On the way to her new home she turned up her music, humming softly along to the beat. She had missed her car funny as it sounds. Her travels took longer than expected and it ended up being two hours away from the dealership but April was far from complaining. 

Around noon she arrived at the apartment complex, greeted by the owner in the community center, or at least that's what the sign outside read. She set at a table and began to fill out paperwork after being shown on a tour around the complex and what would be her apartment. The rent was a fair price she thought. It had a public pool, a playground, a workout building, and a building for everyone in the apartments to attend at any time which April was currently in. When the man took the papers she departed back to her car to grab her few things. The keys to get in all the public buildings instantly was placed on her key chain, making her feel like she had somewhat of a home. 

The clothes in her trunk messily were stuffed in her bag, along with a few other things she had bought recently. Her pillows were stuffed under her arms, almost tripping on her blanket that began to drag. 

"Oh- you dropped this," April heard from behind her not even five minutes after she began to walk. 

"Thank you," She quickly replied turning around, not in the mood for a conversation. 

"You must be new to the apartments, hi," The woman greeted. She seemed to be in her late thirties maybe. Her dark brown hair cut in a pixie style. "That, or I've just never seen you around." 

"I'm April," She kindly said. "And yeah, I'm just moving in," April continued, shifting her weighted bag further up her shoulder. 

"I'll just follow you up to your room- Oh and I'm Tessa," She half laughed as she forgot to fully introduce herself as she stood there holding the pillow.

April didn't complain though, giving Tessa a simple nod. If she even tried to hold one more thing she was sure everything in her arms would go falling on the floor.

"Do you live in this pat of the complex?" April questioned as they started for the sidewalk again, hoping Tessa wasn't having to go in the opposite direction. 

"Oh no, I was coming back from Freddie's place. She lives a few doors down from here. I live on the other side of the community center," Tessa answered pointing in the direction in which she was talking about. It was very slim that April would remember that as of right now but nodded anyways out of politeness. 

"I should have parked closer," April said out loud a minute or two later in attempt to keep the conversation going. "I didn't know I would have to walk a mile," She continued trying to manage a smile. Tessa laughed at her comment but it was clearly out of kindness. 

"Well you'll just have to park closer next time," She was grateful that her new neighbor had some sort of humor even in dry situations. "Do you need help carrying your other stuff? I don't have to be at the bust stop until three," Tessa offered as they took a turn to venture up the short flight of steps. 

"This is it actually, but thank you," April slowly replied. She had to mentally prepare herself for follow up questions on why she hardly had anything. 

"This is all? Are you like staying for a week or something?" Tessa furrowed her eyebrows slightly. April could tell she was confused. Just what she expected actually. 

"No I just left a lot, well most of my stuff at my old place. It was kind of a last minute decision to come here, a permanent one though," Near the end of her reply April wasn't sure if she sounded like she was trying to convince Tessa or herself more. This was the right move. It was. It had to be. 

"Understandable," The woman nodded. It wasn't understandable though. Tessa just knew better to invade anymore than she already had. 

"It would have been easier to bring my kitchen utensils with me. I have a whole list of things to get," April stated with a long sigh after a few moments of silence. "And the paperwork is unbelievable. I think I've filled out more papers this week than I have in my whole life," That was a cold lie. April was a doctor, paperwork practically came with the job. Every day filling out charts, release papers, death papers, consults, medicine prescriptions you name it. 

"At least you're done with the paperwork," Referring to her newly purchased apartment.

Once they reached the second floor April and Tessa walked a few more steps before stopping at the address the man in the community center gave her. Her home. 

"Well this is it," April informed her with a forced smile. Hopefully it looked real. If not, she didn't really care. 

Inside April knew what it looked like already from the pictures online and the tour that she was given. The walls were painted white, giving the room an illusion of being bigger than it actually was. The floor was covered in a light sandy carpet throughout the whole apartment except in the kitchen where darker granite tiles had been put in. To the right of the door was the bathroom and the bedroom. Both rooms big enough for April and a baby. She could imagine it now, the crib in her bedroom beside her bed. Waking up in the middle of the night and caring for the needs of her newborn. The thought left chills run through her body along with a ghost smile on her lips. Towards the left portion of the room the kitchen and the living room nicely sat, clean and tidy. There was a small closet that held the washer and dryer in the kitchen with two doors to shut, April secretly enjoyed that. Though her favorite part of the whole place was the railed balcony. 

"Again thanks for carrying the pillow, could you just set it in my room?" April asked, accidentally making it sound more as a demand. Though they both walked into the spacious room. 

"No problem at all," Tessa responded putting it beside Aprils bag. "And by the way I'm jealous your room has a bigger closet than mine," She added pointing to the closet across the bed. It was in no shape large but it was just right for April. 

"Our rooms aren't the same?" April questioned directing her attention briefly to the four pathetic hangers dangling. 

"My place has three bedrooms so not quite exact. Similar though," She replied. "My daughters room has the biggest closet and she's only eight," Tessa continued with a choppy laugh. 

April tried her best to laugh but only a few short chuckles came out. 

"She must be living the dream," In attempt to save herself she quickly replied. 

"When all the kids are dropped off at the bus stop we go to the community center for snacks if you want to join us and some of the other moms," Tessa offered. "If not that's fine too but I thought you might be interested in meeting some of the other neighbors," She continued slightly tilting her head to the side, probably waiting for an answer. 

"Yeah of course- well I'll think about it. I'm still not used to the area and I have to go shopping for so much stuff," April realized how she may have came off so quickly tried to redeem herself for the second time. "I'll surely come if I can, there's just some stuff I need to do first," She hoped that sounded better. It did in her head at least. 

"Sounds like a plan then," Tessa nodded while exiting Aprils room. "Oh and I live in E14 if you ever need anything. There's a list of all the numbers in the complex and basically everything in the city along with a map in the glass drawer of the TV stand," She pointed to the dark table in the living room. 

"Oh cool, thanks," April praised her. The numbers of her neighbors would probably be useless unless she made some friends, however the map, stores, and restaurants around the city would be beyond helpful. She hoped there was a pharmacy nearby and a clinic she could go to for her pregnancy checkups. 

"See you around," Tessa waved closing the door behind her. April felt her face drop when her neighbor was out of sight. Her mask that she had been putting on the last ten minutes drained her mentally and she began to get emotional. Maybe it was the fact that Tessa reminded her so much of Arizona or because she had to act happy and fine with no one to really talk to. Without a warning April began to softly cry, brushing her tears away with the backs of her hands. To try and distract herself she walked back in her bedroom and emptied her bag out on the bed. Her vision was still blurry and the tears continued to come. She eventually gave up and sat on the bed allowing herself to cry for a few minutes. It obviously was the pregnancy hormones that made her feel this sad, or maybe she had lost so many battles recently that her once strong conscious had been wrecked completely and she was rebuilding that wall again. She hoped it was the first option. Rebuilding herself singly with a child would destroy her even more. 

Eventually she mustered up the energy to finish putting her clothes up. She stood in front of the mirror that hung in her room and applied makeup to her flushed cheeks along with brushing her hair. In the living room she retrieved the book of numbers and places Tessa told her about. Quickly she began to search through it. Without fully realizing it April had began to scan the area for a hospital. Relief washed over when she found one just three minutes away from the complex. She quickly grabbed her phone and began to research more about it. On the cover of the website page it had a link to the pregnancy center inside the hospital. She felt happy for a few seconds knowing she would be in good hands. There were delivery rooms and postpartum healing rooms. She found herself clicking on a link that led to pregnancy classes such as breast feeding, labor, delivery, and basic first time parent classes. Those were things she would have to take into consideration, along with the thousand other things she still needed to get done. 

After coming to to terms with the new wave of security April quickly searched for nearby restaurants. She settled on a Panera Bread not far from her home, putting it on the GPS in her phone. She decided against bringing her large bag she'd been carrying all her items in so only brought her wallet and phone. 

In the car she turned her music down and the mans motto tone voice on her tracking app began to direct her in the right direction. The drive was simple. getting there in under six minutes. Along her exploration she found other restaurants, clothing stores, and a large outdoor shopping center. This was why she needed to live in the city, apart from the traffic this was most ideal, at least until she would give birth this is where she would dream of being.


End file.
